Life Coach – How To Create Rapport: Matching & Mirroring


What Is Matching & Mirroring?

obama rapport

There is an art and science to this simple and easy NLP technique.  This strategy is for beginners and advanced learners.  Spend a bit of time improving this skill and you will see results in your personal and professional lives.

This first step to creating rapport is followed by leading and influencing your friend, client, or family member to a better solution.

YOU WILL LEARN: how to create rapport and be a persuasive and commanding leader, friend and sales person.

For more personal development, download for free The 5 Best Ways To Achieve Your Goals.

Matching & Mirroring Definition

Matching and mirroring is copying some of the body language, verbal language, non-verbal body language, thought processes and predicates of another person.  This technique is consciously and unconsciously used to gain trust, rapport, responsiveness and an overall safe and positive feeling.

Difference Between Mirroring and Matchingmatching mirroring technique

Mirroring is simultaneously copying the person’s behaviour and physiology like a mirror.

Matching has a built-in ‘time lag’.  For example, if your friend crosses their arms, you wait 5-10 or until it is your turn to talk to cross your arms.

Matching also more or less copies the other person, but not exactly.  For example, the other person uses the word awesome, and you use the word cool.  They have very similar meanings, but not exactly.  Note that using the word cool to match is a lot closer to the person’s original word than a word like scholarly.

matching & mirroring

Crossover mirroring/matching is a variation.  You can use this technique by using a different expression to copy their behaviour.  For example, if they are moving their hands a lot, you move your feet a lot.

Examples Of Matching & Mirroring

You can match and mirror someone’s:

1. physiology (body language): posture, gestures, facial expressions, breathing speed

2. language: using the same or similar words

3. vocal patterns: tone/inflection, speech rate

4. internal communication cues: energy level, emotions

You can see an example when two people are in rapport.  For example, you can see two people sitting across from each other while leaning to the same side.  Another example is when two people start using the same facial expressions when talking to each other.  Person A will raise their eyebrows even time they make an important point and Person B will raise their eyebrows too.matching mirroring action

Next time you see two good friends hanging out together, you will see their feet most likely pointing in the same direction, or both their heads tilted to the left.

Matching and mirroring is especially true in dating.  Two people that are in sync are usually smiling the same and looking in the same direction.

Even pendulums swinging side by side to each other start to move at the same pace.

Who Successfully Uses Matching & Mirroring To Create Rapport?

This NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) technique is used by coaches, people in sales, parents, friends, couples, and people on dates.  Basically everybody has used this technique at some point in their lives with certain people.matching rapport robbins

Most people match and mirror their friends unconsciously, while coaches and sales agents usually do it consciously to create and build rapport.  To learn about to think and motivate people like a coach, download for free Motivation: Ways To Achieve Your Goals.

How Does Matching & Mirroring Build Rapport?

One reason why people like other people is because of similarities.  This helps people find common ground with new people and creates a sense of comfortability and security.  People could also feel “this person is just like ME!

For example, if you dress like a rocker, and meet another rocker, you will unconsciously connect with them on some level.  In other words, you will relate with them and trust them more because they are just like you.

On the other hand, a rocker who meets a business man or woman with short hair and using high class speech may initially feel out of place and disconnected.

Does This NLP Technique Help Me In Sales & Dating?

Yes of course.  Time and time again people who sell products or services explain how important trust is to close the deal.  Most people would rather buy a house from a real-estate agent who they trust and feel some connection with.

The simple fact that people unconsciously find similarities and common ground with someone makes them feel more at ease when purchasing their new home.  In addition, if something ever goes wrong, they can trust that the real estate agent will take care of it.

Bottom Line: This simple and easy technique will help your clients make better decisions and you make thousands more dollars for you and your family.

matching mirroring dating

Dating can be a bit nerve-racking, so people look for traits in their date that can help them feel comfortable.  The need of humans to feel a sense of comfortability and likeness is one of the reasons why many people date within their own culture.

The synchronicity you can create on a date using this technique is usually described as “chemistry” or a “positive vibe”.

How To Make More Breakthroughs

To create more results in your life and your clients, read 5 Best Ways To Achieve Your Goals E-Book.


NLP Toronto – What Is NLP Reframing?

What Is NLP Reframing?

NLP Reframing gives a different meaning to the same event or experience.  The change in meaning makes you feel different and act different.  Seeing the same event or experience from a different frame changes your perspective.

NLP reframing is a popular hypnosis and NLP technique.  We all know what a frame is, right?  There is actually one right behind me.  There is my diploma there.  If around it I put a brown frame vs. a blue frame vs. a red frame, the diploma looks different, right?  The same thing happens with your experiences.  If you put a certain frame around your experiences, you will feel different and you will behave differently.  For example, if you put an empowering frame around your experiences, you will see the world through an empowering lens.

It might seem like a little change, but it has a huge impact on your present and future life.  It changes your identity as well as the way you relate to everything in your life.  We have all heard the common one question about whether the glass is half full or hall empty.  It could be both.  It depends on which frame you put around it.

Examples of NLP Reframing

For instance, you may think that you are “shy”.  Another way to look at it is “I am calm and observant”.  The difference between the two meanings is living a life where you are habitually scared to one where you feel calm and in control.  So does the frame you put around it make a little difference or a big difference?  We know that even a slight change in your identity changes the way you relate to people, how you perform in job interviews as well as at school.

NLP ReframingSometimes we see those hyper-active kids who break the rules and seem to always be out of control.  Some doctors even diagnose them with limiting labels such as ADHD or that they have a learning disability.  I am not advocating to break the rules.  What I am saying is that some people call these kids “rebels”.  Another way to look at these same kids is that they are “trend setters” and “innovators”.  The way the kid identifies with themself can be the difference between spending their life in jail with low self-esteem vs. designing the newest and coolest fashions, the most innovative technology and helping change the world.

As another example, some poor people look at a guy who is rich and say “that guy is rich, what a bastard!'”.  Others say “that guy is rich.  What a role model!”.  The “bastard rich guy” frame will causes the person to always be poor, even if consciously they want to be rich.  Consciously they will take one step forward.  Unconsciously they will take two steps back.  In other words, they will self-sabotage.  They teach themselves that having money is bad, and in fact that having money will equal no love.  I talk about this more in my article ‘Change Our Beliefs‘.

How Our Perspective Changes Our Reality

The single frame of bastard vs. role model could be the difference between being poor or being rich, and it is only a couple of words.  This sight difference in language has a big impact on your physical reality.

Here is another one: “This girl cheated on me”.  Okay, I’m not trying to be Mr. Positive here and pretend it didn’t happen.  It happened.  However here is the difference: she “hurt” vs. she ‘”helped” me.  I could focus on how she hurt me, or I can put a “helped”‘ frame around it.  Putting a “helped” frame will make me feel empowered.  I would be helped by the fact that she showed me her true colours before we got further into the relationship, she taught me about myself and helped me make a better choice next time around about the kind of girl I want to date.  So “hurt” or “helped”?  Which frame makes you feel more empowered?  Click here to learn more about Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows.

Real Life Example of NLP Reframing

I will also give you a real example from my own life.  When I used to tutor English, I always thought that our lessons should have been be fun and informative.  One day it seemed like my student was not having fun.  I got nervous and a little stressed.  I started thinking something was wrong and maybe something was wrong with me, or at least my teaching.  I’m sure we could all relate to blowing up stories at times in our lives.

Then I stopped and reframed it.  With more information, I learned that she is acting calm because she feels so comfortable with me, which is definitely something positive and something that I value.

I felt so much better and the lesson went a lot better.  I later learned that it was true that she felt totally comfortable to me, even to the point that she started speaking to me in her own language without even noticing!  So “I’m doing something wrong” vs. “she feels comfortable with me” changed my self-esteem, my outlook, the lesson, and our relationship.

Free E-Book Gift For You
achieve your goals e-book
We respect your privacy.